How to Hug A Lion

I. Introduction

How do you hug a lion? I know what you're thinking… it’s not exactly something the average person would attempt, right? Lions are fierce, majestic creatures that command respect, and approaching them is no simple feat. Unfortunately life sometimes places us face-to-face with human “lions”— fiercely intimidating figures with strong personalities that can leave you feeling small and uncertain?

That was my mother! The first “lion” encounter I ever had!  My mother, a staunch family woman who loved to sing and laugh with friends and family was also incredibly controlling and abusive. She taught me early on that dealing with powerful personalities was about more than just survival. It was about learning how to approach them—maybe not to cuddle, but to stand your ground without getting metaphorically mauled. It was a long lesson that had far reaching ramifications on my ability to love myself.

Growing up under her roof, I learned to fear people’s judgments and to never feel quite good enough. This feeling became an undercurrent in my life, shaping how I approached other “lions” in various aspects of life—in business, friendships, and beyond. Although my childhood wasn’t horrible, the lessons I took from those early years stayed with me, influencing how I navigated intimidating personalities well into adulthood.

This isn’t just a story of survival; it’s about taming the challenge and finding your way to approach the “lions” in your life with confidence, even if it means getting close enough to give them a metaphorical cuddle—without losing an arm in the process.

II. Characteristics of the Lion: The Nature of Intimidating People

Understanding the behavior of “lions” is essential to learning how to approach them without getting hurt. Just like real lions in the wild, human “lions” often exhibit certain traits that make them intimidating. They thrive on control, needing to dictate the course of events to feel secure. This can manifest as a stubborn insistence on having their way and an intolerance for anything that challenges their authority.

Mood swings are also a common trait. One moment, they may be playful and charming, lulling you into a sense of safety, and the next, they can become critical or demanding. It’s a cycle that keeps those around them on edge, unsure of what version of the “lion” they’ll face.

Perhaps most notably, boundaries often do not exist for these individuals. They may disregard personal limits and push others into uncomfortable situations to maintain control and assert dominance. This lack of respect for boundaries can make interactions particularly exhausting, as you’re left constantly trying to protect your own space while navigating their demands.

Learning to spot these characteristics is crucial in developing strategies to interact with them—strategies that ensure you maintain your sense of self without provoking unnecessary conflict.

III. Why They Act This Way: Unpacking the Lion’s Roar

So, why do these human lions behave the way they do? What makes them roar, bare their teeth, and sometimes forget that the people around them aren’t prey? It’s not always about malice—it’s about instinct. Just like a lion’s actions are driven by survival, intimidating people often act from a place of protection, insecurity, or unhealed experiences.

Insecurity Disguised as Strength

Some of the fiercest lions I’ve encountered have been the most terrified. They just hide it better. What looks like bravado—commanding every room they walk into, speaking like they own the world—is often a fragile shield for a deep fear of vulnerability. For these lions, control isn’t just a preference; it’s a safety net that keeps them from falling into the chaos of their own self-doubt.

And then there’s the baggage. People don’t become intimidating overnight. Maybe they grew up in a world where weakness wasn’t an option, or they’ve been hurt so many times they’ve built an armor of sharp words and hard edges to keep others at bay. Every roar, every show of dominance, comes with a story you might never hear but that still shapes how they behave.

Instincts in Action

Think about how lions act in the wild. They roar to claim territory, protect their pride, and warn off threats. It’s not about being mean—it’s about survival. Human lions? Same idea. Their instinct might be to dominate a conversation or push boundaries to assert control, not because they’re monsters, but because it’s how they keep their emotional world in check. If they let their guard down, they risk losing the control they crave, and for them, that feels like danger.

The playful-to-ferocious mood swings? Classic lion behavior. It’s the emotional equivalent of a pounce. One second, everything’s relaxed, and the next, you’re blindsided by a sharp remark or unreasonable demand. It’s not personal. It’s instinctual, a reaction to perceived threats or shifts in their comfort zone.

Seeing the Fear Behind the Roar

Here’s the thing: understanding why a lion roars doesn’t mean you have to get close enough to lose a limb. But it does help you see past the teeth. You can learn to hold your ground while recognizing that their aggression often comes from fear, not strength. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior—but it can change how you approach the situation, with your own confidence intact.

IV. Turning Lion Behavior: Timing Is Everything

If you’ve ever watched a lion lounge under the sun, you know they’re not always fierce. There are moments of calm—trust, even—when they seem approachable, peaceful. But move too quickly, too close, or at the wrong time, and that serenity turns to danger before you know what hit you. People with lion-like personalities are no different. Timing and approach are everything when it comes to engaging with them.

Recognize the Calm Before the Roar

Intimidating personalities aren’t on high alert 24/7. They have moments of openness when their guard lowers just enough for genuine connection. The trick is learning to spot these windows. Growing up, I learned this lesson early with my mother, my first and fiercest lion. Some mornings, you just knew. The moment her feet hit the floor, the air would shift. Her face would be set, her movements sharp. Those were the days when the lion prowled, eyes searching for anything to pounce on. There was no approaching her—no matter how carefully you tiptoed—without risking a confrontation that left you wounded.

But there were other mornings too. Mornings when the sun seemed to rise a little softer, and her mood followed suit. She’d sing (badly) as she made her breakfast, or playfully make jokes, inviting me into her good graces. On those rare days, her laughter came easily, and her eyes sparkled instead of cutting like knives. It wasn’t that the lion was gone—oh no, she was still there. But her need for control had momentarily retreated, replaced by something softer and less guarded.

The trick to navigating a lion’s moods is learning to read these signs. Timing matters. When my mother was in her playful state, I could engage her without fear of being swatted down. In these moments, connection felt possible. But if I misjudged her mood, stepping too close when her claws were out, I’d feel the sting of her criticism or temper.

Human lions, like my mother, often have patterns to their behavior. Sometimes it’s predictable, like how stress at work or an unresolved conflict would set her off for days. Other times, it felt like a roll of the dice. The key was paying attention—learning when the storm clouds were gathering and when the skies were clear enough to risk a conversation. Recognizing these shifts is essential for navigating intimidating personalities. Timing your approach during moments of calm can increase your chances of having a meaningful, non-combative interaction, even if that calm is fleeting.

Timing Your Approach

Approaching a lion mid-roar—whether it’s a person ranting, throwing orders, or clearly overwhelmed—is a guaranteed way to get hurt. It’s the same with human lions. Growing up, my mother’s roars could come out of nowhere, or so it seemed to me as a kid. I didn’t always recognize the warning signs, those subtle shifts in her mood that signaled danger. Something as simple as asking the wrong question or making too much noise could set her off when her lion was at full charge. One moment I’d be a kid just trying to exist, and the next, I’d feel the sharp sting of a wooden spoon across my face.

But it wasn’t just the physical pain—it was what came after that left me hurt and confused. Missing hockey practice? That was brutal. Hockey wasn’t just a sport; it was my escape. It was where I felt free, where the cold air of the rink and the sound of blades on ice drowned out everything else. Being denied that? It cut deeper than any slap.

My mother didn’t roar for no reason, though I didn’t understand it at the time. Her own stresses and battles were hidden behind that fierce exterior, and her outbursts were instinctual—a way of protecting her own fragile sense of control. But for me, the child caught in her path, those roars felt unpredictable, like a storm you couldn’t outrun.

That’s why learning to recognize patterns and timing your approach is so important. Some lions are more grounded in the morning, before the weight of the day settles on their shoulders. Others are calm after accomplishing something that feeds their sense of pride or control. Everyone has a rhythm, even the fiercest personalities. Paying attention to when the storm has passed—or when it’s gathering—is the difference between engaging safely and walking straight into the roar.

The Power of Patience

Patience is your greatest tool. It’s easy to react when you feel cornered or attacked, but lions can smell fear and aggression. Instead of rushing in, hold your ground, keep your calm, and wait. Let their mood shift. Let the tension settle. When you engage with steadiness and confidence—without matching their intensity—you defuse the situation.

I learned this lesson early on with my mother. When her lion was angry and prowling, my survival instinct kicked in, teaching me how to protect myself. Sometimes that meant staying out late, playing street hockey with the boys in the neighborhood. The slap of the ball on the asphalt and the clatter of sticks were my armor—my way of staying out of range of her roar.

Other times, it was retreating into my "cave." My bedroom became a sanctuary where I could escape her fury. I’d close the door, turn up the music, and sing at the top of my lungs—off-key, probably, but it didn’t matter. In those moments, I wasn’t afraid of the lion. I was a kid reclaiming some control over my world. Drawing was another refuge. I’d sketch for hours, pouring my feelings onto the page, using art as a way to process what I couldn’t say out loud.

These moments of retreat weren’t about weakness; they were about patience—letting the storm pass while I found small ways to keep my sense of self intact. Understanding lion behavior isn’t about taming the beast; it’s about knowing when to move, when to pause, and when to walk away entirely. Recognize the rhythm of their moods, and you’ll be better equipped to navigate interactions on your own terms—without becoming their next casualty.

The Impact on Others

Dealing with intimidating individuals takes a heavy toll, emotionally and mentally. It’s exhausting, like living with an ever-present weight on your chest. The constant need to anticipate their mood and tread carefully around their triggers creates stress that seeps into every part of your being. Anxiety becomes a familiar companion. You question yourself—Did I say the wrong thing? Was my tone off? Should I have done more, or less?—and before long, self-doubt becomes second nature.

Growing up with my mother, I felt it all. Her roars could trigger my fight-or-flight response in an instant. My heart would race, my breath would quicken, and I’d feel trapped—no safe place to stand. As a young kid, I escaped however I could. I played street hockey with the neighbourhood boys, hid in my room with music blaring, or lost myself in drawing. But as I got older, those escapes weren’t enough. The fear was always there, a constant hum beneath the surface.

When I was about 13, I hit my breaking point. One day, as her anger turned physical, I grabbed her hand and insisted—never again. No more wooden spoons across my face, no more sharp scratches from her nails when she grabbed me. It ended right there.

I remember my father telling me, If you ever hit her, that would be the end of it. I never hit her. I didn’t need to. But I stood my ground and warned them both—if she hit me again, I would hit back. She never laid a hand on me after that.

The physical blows stopped, but her roars became louder, fiercer, and crueler throughout my teens and early 20s. Words, sharp and unrelenting, replaced the scratches and bruises. She wielded them like weapons, cutting deep, finding every insecurity and pressing hard. That’s the thing about lions: even when you stop their claws, the roar can still leave you shaken.

It’s not so different from encountering a lion in the wild. That primal fear kicks in, driven by instinct and survival. Every muscle tenses as your mind races through the limited options: fight, flee, or freeze. But just as lions can be approached with caution and respect, intimidating people can be engaged in ways that minimize conflict and create common ground. It’s not about taming the lion—that’s a fool’s errand. It’s about understanding what drives their behavior and using that knowledge to protect yourself while navigating interactions with more clarity and control.

Learning to recognize your own emotional responses is part of the process. Naming the fear, the anxiety, and the self-doubt gives you the power to step outside the grip of those feelings. You can pause, breathe, and remember that while the lion may roar, you still have a choice in how you respond. Respect their power, but don’t give up your own.

V. Equipping Yourself

Recognize Your Own Boundaries
Before you can navigate interactions with intimidating individuals, it’s essential to know what you’re willing to tolerate and where you’ll draw the line. The lines aren’t always clear at first—especially when someone’s presence feels overwhelming—but the more you practice self-awareness, the easier it becomes. Identifying your limits means protecting your peace and avoiding situations that put you at risk of emotional harm. If you're clear on what is non-negotiable for you, it’s easier to stand firm when those boundaries are tested.

Build Your Confidence
Dealing with strong personalities requires inner strength. It’s not just about surviving; it’s about thriving in the face of it. You need confidence—not arrogance, but genuine belief in yourself. Positive affirmations, rehearsed responses, and being mentally prepared can go a long way. Take time before tough interactions to remind yourself of your value, your strengths, and your right to stand up for yourself. When you walk into a room with confidence, people feel it, and the lion in the room will take notice.

Gather Allies and Support
No one should face these interactions alone. Building a network of allies—people who have your back, who understand the dynamics at play—is invaluable. Whether it’s a trusted friend, colleague, or therapist, having someone to talk through situations with can give you perspective and emotional relief. A strong support system helps you stay grounded and reinforces your boundaries when someone tries to push them.

Understanding Lion Body Language
Just as a lion’s body language can tell you when it’s calm or about to pounce, so too can an intimidating person’s signals give you vital clues about their state. Are they making direct eye contact, or are their eyes darting around? Is their posture tense or open? Just like with animals, paying attention to subtle cues can help you read the situation and decide when to step closer or hold your ground. Timing matters. Learn to recognize when someone’s about to roar, and you’ll be better prepared to navigate their moods effectively.

V. Effective Strategies for Handling Intimidating People

Stay Calm and Collected

When you’re dealing with a lion—or any intimidating person—the key is staying grounded. Easier said than done, right? But the truth is, lions (and strong personalities) can sense fear. If you react with panic or defensiveness, it only feeds the tension. To maintain control, try emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing, pausing before responding, or mentally grounding yourself in the present. I learned early on that staying calm around my mother, especially when she was in one of her moods, was crucial. I would often retreat to my room—where music became my sanctuary. It was a place I could disappear into, shutting out the chaos, much like when I’d go out to avoid the tension at home. By staying calm, you reduce the chances of escalating the situation, and they lose the upper hand. Remember, confidence isn't about being loud or aggressive; it’s about keeping your cool when the storm rages around you.

Communicate with Clarity and Firmness

When you're faced with an intimidating figure, it’s important to communicate clearly and firmly, but without confrontation. Use “I” statements to express your needs without sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You’re being unreasonable,” try “I need a moment to process before I respond.” This shifts the focus from a challenge to your own experience, which can defuse tension. You can’t control their behavior, but you can control how you engage. When my mom was at her fiercest, I didn’t always have the words, but I learned to avoid direct confrontation. I’d retreat, either to my room or out of the house altogether, until things calmed down. I wasn’t trying to win an argument—I was just trying to survive, and sometimes silence was the best answer.

Avoid Power Struggles

Trying to “win” against someone whose goal is to dominate is a losing game. If you’re engaging with a lion, the goal isn’t to overpower them—it’s to coexist, on your terms. Power struggles will only lead to unnecessary conflict. Accept that you’re not going to change their behavior, but you can change how you respond. I got to the point where, as a teenager, I’d lock my door and avoid her as much as possible. School became an escape, and I would stay out of the house until after she had gone to bed, hoping that when I returned, the storm would have passed. Fighting to be “right” or “better” only fuels their need to assert control. It’s about knowing when to engage and when to step back.

Reinforce Boundaries

To deal with intimidating individuals effectively, you need to reinforce your boundaries. This isn’t about being rigid or harsh; it’s about being clear and consistent. Use assertive language like, “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “I need you to respect my space.” Just like lions learn to trust those who give them their space, setting and reinforcing boundaries teaches intimidating people that you’re not someone to be bulldozed. With my mom, I reached a point where I had to stop the physical abuse. I was probably 13 when I finally stood up and said, “No more.” I grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop hitting me with the wooden spoon or leaving scratches from her nails. After that moment, I reinforced my boundary by refusing to be physically harmed again. That was a turning point, but it didn’t end the emotional roars. Her outbursts became more cruel, but I knew that by setting a firm boundary, I had taken back some control.

VI. When to Step Away: Knowing When Cuddling Isn’t Worth It

Recognize the Signs of Harm
There comes a time in every interaction with an intimidating person when you realize that engagement is no longer productive—it’s harmful. It could be emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, or simply draining your energy without any resolution. Knowing when to stop fighting the fight is critical. Just like a lion, whose behavior might seem unpredictable or unsafe at times, there are moments when continuing the encounter could result in harm. With my mother, as I grew older, I started recognizing the signs early on. The physical outbursts stopped, but the emotional tension was still there. I began understanding when to step back, when I was no longer emotionally equipped to deal with her, and when I had to protect myself from the lingering storm.

Choosing to Disengage
Sometimes the best choice is to simply walk away. Disengaging doesn’t always mean shutting the door completely—it means stepping away from a situation that has become toxic or harmful to your well-being. I learned to disengage as an adult, especially when I had my own space to retreat to. When my mother would try to pull me back into a confrontation or manipulation, I found it easier to recognize when it was time to leave the conversation or situation. Withholding my emotional investment was a way to regain control. As difficult as it was, walking away was necessary for my own peace of mind. When she’d reach out after, it was often an attempt to mend fences, but it was on my terms, not hers.

Protecting Your Well-Being
Once you’ve disengaged from an emotionally draining person, the next step is to restore your well-being. Self-care becomes vital, especially when you're processing a difficult encounter. After walking away from my mother’s roars—whether physical or emotional—I’d focus on regaining my balance. Time away, music, or retreating into my space helped me recalibrate. Emotional recovery isn’t a quick fix, but it’s essential to make time for it. For me, self-care meant finding comfort in my own rhythm, without the constant noise of someone else's needs or demands.

Reflection on Lions
Even after a close encounter with a lion, it often retreats back into its territory, settling into calm. Similarly, once I’d made the decision to step away, I’d allow myself the time to return to peace. And, eventually, my mother did the same. In my 30s, she apologized for the years of emotional and physical pain she’d caused. She admitted that she didn’t know any better, didn’t understand the impact of her actions at the time. It wasn’t an easy apology to accept, but it marked a turning point. She recognized the harm, and I realized that sometimes the lion can come to understand, but only after enough space has been given to heal.

VII. Conclusion

Dealing with intimidating individuals is an art that requires preparation, boundary-setting, and self-care. The key takeaways are simple but powerful: understand the person’s behavior patterns, recognize when to engage and when to step away, and, above all, prioritize your own well-being. Setting clear boundaries is essential to protecting your peace, and knowing when to hold firm or walk away can make all the difference. Self-care isn’t just about recovering from difficult encounters—it’s about maintaining the energy and strength to keep moving forward.

While we may never have the power to change others, we can control how we react and protect ourselves. Understanding how to engage with challenging personalities, like the lion’s roar, is all about preparation and knowing your limits. Protecting your peace and prioritizing your own needs isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your emotional well-being.

Approach your “lions” with confidence and strength, armed with the knowledge that preparation and self-respect are your most powerful tools. You don’t need to tame the lion; you just need to understand when to stay calm, when to assert yourself, and when to walk away. Trust your instincts and keep your boundaries intact.

I am not a therapist—these are just my experiences. Everyone’s journey is different, and each person needs to find their own path to dealing with difficult individuals.